How the hell can I make my teammates better by practicin?!

So I waste lots of time on ESPN.com these days, but I blame it on the lack of sports availability. In my daily reading today, I noticed that Allen Iverson missed practice and is expected to receive a "hefty" fine. Really? For missing practice? I mean, it wasn't a game. Of course, we all remember his infamous press conference, where he know he 'sposed to lead by example and ain't shovin' it aside like it don't mean anything. I'm glad to see that he hasn't changed his ways 9 years later...I mean, why should he? Ain't the game, man? Ain't no thang, man.

Also, what in the world has happened to Chad Ocho Cinco this year? He changes his name in what appears to be a publicity stunt after trying to get traded from a sorry franchise that won't let him leave, all the while proclaiming that he's not going to be a distraction this year. Well, he lived up to that promise....but this is no fun for anybody. Without the desire to be a distraction, it seems like he's lost the desire to be good. Maybe he should change his name back to Johnson? Or maybe this mediocrity is actually a really clever ploy on his part to be expendable to the team. Regardless, I just want more stupid antics from him, as he never delivered on what could have been the singlest greatest sports celebration ever:

"You know there are a lot of deer in the area. Don't laugh. There are a lot of deer in the area of Cincinnati, so if you see a deer come out there, don t say I didn't tell you. I'm serious. I hit him. He's bandaged up, but he's going to come out. Don't laugh. Y'all think I'm playing. Trust me, I've got Rudolph. His nose is red. ...

No, on the highway I hit a deer. I kept him. He's at home in the garage. I'm going to use him for the celebration this weekend. He's a prop. They might suspend me for the last game, but I think this one is worth it.

He's limping, but he's alive. He's all right. This is going to be the greatest celebration of all-time, man. I actually use an animal. I'll probably get in trouble with the Humane Society, everybody. It wasn't my fault: He ran in the road."

Please, Chad, return to these glory days. I'm not laughing.