Finding the wheel that turns, in the form of a triumvirate

Today I would like to focus on two things. The first is a recurring topic of discussion amongst my friends and me, and the second is my general young people "lingo." The latter is like the vernacular of the youth. It's spec-nacular. It's youth-tacular. It's the vernac-youth-lar.

As a job seems, at the moment, just within reach (or just out of, depending on your point of view), our time spent shooting the breeze and "hangin" has often veered toward the what ifs of working as an engineer and actually having "dough." A frequent subject has been the possibility of living with my two other engineer friends here in the Dallas "hood," Scott and Kevin. While Kevin and I want to continue living with our parents for a bit in order to keep that "cheddar," I think the 3 of us really enjoy entertaining the idea of living in the same "'jects." Not only is it more economical than flying solo, but the idea of us "kicking it" in the same "crib" also evokes images of Animal House (without the frat guys or the girls, as I'll never be fraternity, and we're generally incapable of attracting girls). It would be like Batman and Robin and that other guy. Starsky and Hutch and whatshischops. Lucy and Ethel and Ricky. It would be three young bachelors with bachelor's, just "rollin." The only thing I think could top it is if we became Doctor Master Bachelor, but I think that could be achieved with a fourth roommate whose street name could be shortened to Sire DMB.

Moving along from simply rooming together, we've also decided it could be fun to adopt a child. First of all, this appears to be a good strategy for humanitarian purposes, as we could give a child from an unfortunate background a new beginning. "Get out tha hood, drop the 'jects, start doin some good and start buildin' some recs," ya know? Secondly, we would benefit as "baby daddies" because we could find a kid about 8 years old and skip past the difficulties of diapers, learning to walk, etc. Furthermore, what could be "flyer" for a kid than having three dads? Many kids are unfortunately growing up with no father figure, but ours could have THREE. He would easily be the coolest kid in school, learn discipline, and also always have someone available. So maybe Dad's at work and little Sire DMB needs to talk to someone. It's cool, no worries - Daddies are home (Oh, it's also apparently a boy, and we have preemptively named him Sire DMB). As if that weren't enough, the three of us could easily guide a child toward a lifetime of success by using our own experiences, both successes and failures, to help him evaluate decisions. As the son of 3 engineers, nothing but success in the sciences and mathematics would be acceptable. Additionally, we would "ford the river" past the foolish pitfall of parents who think their children need the help of acclaimed coaches to have a chance at becoming professional athletes. This foolishness would be bypassed, with that "Bentley" being "taken to the chop shop" by not having our son try to develop the best jump shot, get stronger, or generally illustrate any innate talent. Rather, we would have him develop a "sick" knuckleball from about age 10. After all, being a knuckleball pitcher in major league baseball could be one of the best ways imaginable to get rich. This would afford the opportunity to teach our son that a bit of hard work will lead to success, even if one isn't physically gifted. Then, when Sire DMB does earn a spot on an MLB team, he would see that earning a living with millions of dollars means working once every five days, and even then he doesn't have to throw his hardest.

As far as I can see, the Triumvirate of the Fatherhood has zero chance of failure and a likelihood of success surpassing the 75% mark. Little Sire would not only have Sire Daddy, Daddy Dude, and Paternal Homie for his caretaking, but he would also be exposed to the jovial, if not fatherly, personalities of "Fun"-cle Flu and Sister Cbass, the latter of whom will be donning a family moniker betraying his true gender for no particular reason. With such manly mannishness, malehood, and masculinity surrounding the young lad, I see no way that he would not grow up to be the most successful culmination of manhood seen to date. Sire DMB, the Man's Man - fluent in American English, manliness, and the vernac-youth-lar. My only uncertainty regarding the entire process is the teaching of the latter, because I must pose the question - is the word "vernacular" in the vernacular of our youth?