Yes, I will do that...for $7000 more

Hello one and all
What better way to begin
Than with a haiku?

Hola, amigos. It's been a bit of time, but there's been surprisingly little to report of late. I am in Dallas, after all, and that seems to spell B-O-R-I-N-G. However, I did get the urge to post some more drivel today after several memories and ideas compelled me to jot down a few ideas.

To leap into the topic of unemployment, I'll begin with news of the job search and how you, too, can "Laura Miller" your way out of a job.

About a month ago I was simultaneously offered 2 jobs on the same day- the first was a full-time engineering gig, and the second was a part-time job teaching SAT prep. I had applied for the latter with the intention of finding something simple that would permit me to earn some money to keep afloat until I could find a full-time job. Little did I know that the engineering company would move extremely quickly in giving 2 interviews and then an offer. As it happened, I received both offers on the same day...and while I was not totally pumped about the salary offered by the engineering company, I was almost certain that I was going to accept the job after attempting to negotiate the pay. However, SAT prep job was about to start moving very quickly into training, and I thought this would conflict with my first weeks of work at the other company. Thus, I was unfortunately forced to decline the teaching job.

Several days after the initial offer, I returned a call to the engineering company and asked that, rather than the $50k/year offered, they consider my desire of $57k. As anyone who has been through an engineering program will tell you, we have always been informed at our universities to not accept the first offer without attempting to negotiate a higher salary. While this always seemed selfish and arrogant to me, I suddenly saw the need after receiving an offer in the lowest 10% of entry level salaries for mechanical engineers nationwide. I pinpointed $57k as the national average for 2008 graduates with a BS in my field. I didn't even bother to mention that the average from the University of Texas is $62k, or that I graduated at the top of my class and perhaps should be deserving of at least my school's average salary. After all, from hearing the company's initial offer, and considering economic times, I figured maybe they didn't have an appreciable amount of money to throw around. I was working under the assumption that they would maybe go up 2-4k/year, or, in the worst case scenario, they would say they couldn't increase the offer at all. Fine, that would have been A-OK by me. However, they called me back and, without mentioning salary, asked me to come in and talk to another person who works in an unrelated department. I went in thinking it might be negotiation time only to find it was third interview time. "Alright," I thought, "let's get this done and see what they say." Thus, the 20 minute interview passed and was neither terrible nor great, but I left thinking I would receive a call back. Four days later I called back and left a message for the HR person, but have not yet received a response. It has now been about 3-4 weeks.

As a result of this debacle, a man who once had two jobs to choose from now has, you guessed it...none. Now that's a real pute if I've ever seen one. However, aside from describing this with the saying "When it rains, it pours" (which Morton salt and conversational English have endeared to us all), I would like to introduce the phrase of "Laura Miller-ing yourself out of something." Now some of you may remember that Miller, the former mayor of Dallas, prematurely announced the planning of a parade to celebrate the Dallas Mavericks' victory in the 2006 NBA Finals just before they began their historic meltdown to lose the series, 4-2. Similarly, I began fervently brainstorming with my friends and fervidly urinating inane ideas all over my blog about how we would live together and do all sorts of fun things as soon as I had an income. Little did I know that life had other ideas and, just as I was on the cusp of climbing out of this pool of unemployment, fate began its own fervid urination to deepen the puddle and keep me treading water. Now you're probably saying "Greg, urea-lly grossing me out." And I'm saying "Yes, I just included a urea pun on my blog."

Now, other than Laura Miller-ing myself out of work, there's not been too much going on. I've been watching sports when possible, although it is the most terrible time of year for that sort of activity. Surprisingly, however, I found myself intently watching the Mexico vs. US soccer game with my dad today. I wondered at first why this particular match was so much more enthralling than usual, and as I watched the American goalie shove a Mexican player to the ground for a dead ball, it hit me: these teams were angry and playing with spite for one another. Several near-fights broke out, players were angrily pushing after the whistle was blown, and you never knew when a player might take a shot as he dribbled down the field. It was brilliant. It made me realize that a game with as little scoring as soccer struggles to captivate an American audience unless it brings something else to the table. That something is aggression.

Take hockey, for instance. It's very similar to soccer - it's very exciting to watch skilled players build momentum as they maneuver their way through defenders, but spectators are often left disappointed, as scoring is a rarity. As a result, they need something secondary to fill the void between these thrilling moments, and that often comes in the form of violent checking and the occasional fight breaking out. As a result, I propose that soccer would be significantly more marketable here if the rules allowed more leniency for contact and general checking. Furthermore, it would behoove the game to follow hockey's lead in terms of discipline and penalties. Rather than players risking expulsion from a game for two yellow cards received for extremely minor penalties, I think it would be better to penalize them in 2, 4, and 5 minute increments. In this way, the team is temporarily penalized for a player's actions without the severity of an ejection while the viewer is treated to some exciting undermanned play that could lead to increased scoring opportunities. Five minute penalties, as in hockey, would only be assessed if players began physically fighting, and referees would allow a fight to take place until one participant gained a dangerous advantage over the other. While I may be wrong, I think such changes would significantly augment soccer's American fan base.

Finally, on the topic of fighting and sports, the Texas Rangers recently released pitcher Vicente Padilla (he of the swine flu) after he hit yet another batter, resulting in the opposing team retaliating by hitting a Rangers batter. While this type of activity is somewhat commonplace in baseball, I feel it is one of the stupidest retaliation methods in all of sports. It allows a pitcher to be a complete jerk and pose the threat of significant harm to a batter with no consequences for himself. While some people would counter that the batter could charge the mound, the league does not take too kindly to this, as Kevin Youkilis recently found out with his 5 game suspension. Granted, Youkilis attacked a pitcher who seemingly wanted no part of the fight and apparently had no intention of hitting him. However, for habitual offenders like Padilla, I legitimately believe the league should allow pitchers and batters to square off like hockey players - no bat, no helmets, no gloves, and above all, no sissy interference from other infielders or teammates - with no suspension other than perhaps an ejection from the current game. Of course, this is a very discretionary approach and would be judged on a case-by-case basis, but I certainly think it would be a more fair method for players to police themselves than the current one.

I wanted to cover some other topics, but it's getting late and I should probably go to sleep. I guess that leaves open the promise of another entry in the near future, but you never know...I may have just Laura Miller-ed us all out of that.